Yadayada! Ole-ole-oleo!

“Yadayada! Ole-ole-oleo!“

Doesn’t really make amy sense, does it? Well, because it was really meant NOT to make any sense, and most part of this post, even.

You know that feeling when you have nothing to say? Or you have so much to say, and yet you don’t know how to say it?

It usually happens under two extreme emotional conditions – either you are too happy, too ecstatic, or too “high” that you don’t know how to put into words how joyful you are. Or you are too depressed, down, low, pissed, frustrated, and other depressing condition you can think of, that you don’t even want to talk about it.

So, which one do you think this post is? If you read through, you will know… and if you’re following me in facebook, you will know why.

Speaking of facebook, just the other day, I posted that I want to quit blogging and that I don’t want to write anymore. If you knew me, and know how I love writing, you would be surprised. But I know for sure that at the time I posted that status update, I was speaking the truth. I’M DONE WITH BLOGGING!

Then, this post should mean I will no longer quit blogging, right? WRONG!

This morning, I was already drafting in my thoughts, the post that will serve as my “swan song.” After which, I will just leave my blogs, until they fade into kingdom come, and the struggling blogger will cease to exist.

Of course, you would ask “Why?” and like I said, if you’re following me on facebook, you will know why.

But as I was going home from work this evening, it occurred to me, that if I stop doing the only thing that I can confidently say I’m good at (or at least have a decent stroke), then I will be totally without self-worth.

That means I will no longer have a chance to get back what I lost — the reason for all those sulking. I thought, “maybe I should prove myself. That I can make it. That I am WORTH THE RISK!“

Honestly, there are two voices talking to me as I am writing here. One says, “Go Roy! Show them!” while the other says, “C’mon! Be real! Are you a masochist or something?!”

At this point, I really can’t tell which side is winning, really. I AM CONFUSED.

I wish I could have really bought the box that I bought in this story, or at least have the power of the short story blogger, so I can make whatever I write happen in real life.

What did I tell you? This post wasn’t supposed to make sense! Yadayada, remember?

I really don’t know where i stand now, or where I am inclined to go.

In the meantime, settle for this…

“Yadayada! Ole-ole-oleo!”

Tags: conflict, gibberish, giving up, goodbye, nonsense, quit, rant, short story, Struggling Blogger, swan song, voices